WORK SMARTER NOT HARDER: Don’t Say THIS to a Friend Too Much

If you’re an anxious person you might often wonder if people you are close with are mad at you—even if their behavior just changes slightly.

But therapist Anna Poss says constantly asking your best friend if they’re upset with you can be bad.  Poss explains, “It can be stressful for friends to feel that they have to second-guess every communication, to ensure you don’t worry.  Resentment can grow in relationships where one person is constantly having to reassure another person—that type of emotional labor can be exhausting.”

Another downside:  Assuming someone is annoyed with you might cause you to keep your distance.  And if that distance grows, you could end up ruining a perfectly good friendship.

Poss says this type of thinking is also a bit narcissistic, as not everything in your friend’s life revolves around you.

Kristin Davin, a therapist, adds, “Life can sometimes get the best of us especially during these challenging times.”  She says, rather than letting your suspicious mind get the better of you, you may want to casually reach out to your friend and say, “Hey, I noticed we haven’t connected as of late.  How are you doing?  I have been wanting to reach out to you and I hope all is well.  I feel like I have dropped the ball, too!”

Another expert says, unless you know of something that happened, you should try to convince yourself that things are probably ok—and just go with that assumption—only bring it up to a friend if you can’t get past it.